


Identity Reveal

by felpereBRanco



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aunt-Niece Relationship, F/F, Female Peter Parker, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Guilty Aunt May, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, Hurt May Parker (Spider-Man), Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Marvel Universe, May Parker (Spider-Man) Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Reconciliation, Regretful Aunt May, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, Worried May Parker (Spider-Man), alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:56:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27605237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felpereBRanco/pseuds/felpereBRanco
Summary: May Parker has a lot of regrets in her life, a long list of things that she wished had went unsaid, memories that sometimes makes her feel as if she is undeserving of the name Parker. She tries her best, taking care of FEAST, being as selfless as possible to avoid falling in the same mistakes that ruined her life once. But maybe, with the help of a young boy that reminds her so much of the person she's been running from for years, she can find the strength forgive herself, and to make things right again.
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man)/Natasha Romanov, Miles Morales & May Parker (Spider-Man)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. The Photographs and Bench Talks

**Author's Note:**

> This'll be a rough ride y'all.

May sighed, staring at the oh so familiar mask. It was a painful reminder, another block of lead weighing that feeling at the bottom of her stomach, but she smiled nonetheless. 

"Hello, Spider-boy." She greeted with a kind smile, trying to hide how much she enjoyed the slight slump of his shoulders, the soft sigh he dropped. He gave up on correcting her a long time ago. "How goes the day?" May asked. 

"Hey, Ms. May." He answered from the lamp post, sitting down carelessly over the metal. May spared him another smile before returning her gaze to the ground, to the old polaroid camera in her hands. Aimlessly, she took another photo of the Avengers Tower, peeking out from the yellowish trees of Central Park. "It was pretty good actually. Stopped some robbers, talked with some fans. Y'know. The usual." He shifted, settling into the signature crouch that made him look like a pigeon on a wire than a spider, Jordan's shoes grinding against the rail. May hummed, curiously, but didn't comment. 

"Say, what do you do with those photos anyway?" He asked, the eye lens widening slightly. May shrugged, looking at the pond. 

"How's… How's your mentor doing?" She asked hesitantly, voice cracking. The boy didn't notice, didn't realize how much the question really meant for her. Not like he could, anyway, her voice  _ always _ cracked when she asked that question. "I haven't seen her around for a while." She added with a touch of worry. She wondered if he thought she was just another fan, or if he knew.

"She's fine. She's headed out to Nova Space with the Guardians for a mission. She'll probably be back next week or so." He informed her.  _ Space? _ May sighed, well used to the crazy that permeated anything related to the Avengers. "But hey, you got me! Need a spider? I'm your man." She chuckled, quietly, at the boisterous tone, and shook her head. 

"I think you're a little too young to be my man, Spider-boy." She teased, throwing a small smirk upwards to him. The indignation was instantaneous, she noted with amusement. Spiders always loved quipping, joking with the thugs and villains, but they never were good at taking the heat themselves. 

"Aw, Ms. May!" He groaned. "You know I didn't mean it like that." Spider-Man said, dropping from the lamppost so he could sit down at her side. "You're worse than P-Uh, Spidey."

Her smile faltered. 

"Yeah." The reminder that Spider-Man didn't know who she was was like a sudden stab to her heart. It was… understandable, really. Spider-Man only knew her as Ms. May, the weird woman hanging out at Central Park every few days taking the same old pictures of Avengers Tower. But at the same time, he _ should _ have recognized her. He should know who May was, and the fact that he didn't was proof enough that his mentor didn't talk about her. Didn't want-

It's not like she deserved the recognition, anyway. It was for the best. 

"Hey, you okay?" He asked gently, eyes widened in a way that she long started associating with worry. 

"I'm fine, Spider-Boy." She lied. He stared at her, suspicious, but dropped the subject. 

It was ironic, to say the least, their friendship. The first time she met the boy, the first time she found herself at Central Park, with Ben's camera, she swore he knew exactly who she was. He landed a few feet away and as he walked toward her, she fully expected him to push her away, to tell her that she shouldn't hang around here, that it was best if she returned to Queens and never came back. 

Instead he introduced himself, asked her name and explained to her that James, the Hot Dog guy that sometimes handed out free food at the center told him she could help find a guy he was looking for. 

And she could. New York was like that sometimes, this giant web of people you've met, and their friends you heard in passing, and their friends' friends. Little by little, you learn to make the world seem that much smaller, to help each other out, trust in references and a casual name drop. Derek Stenson, the man Spider-boy was looking for, had been staying at FEAST Center for a few weeks at the time. Everyone knew him as that Oscorp Electrician that walked eight blocks in a winter night carrying his two daughters when the heater broke and he got evicted.

At no point in their interaction Spider-Man showed any signs of recognizing her and, for the same reasons as always, she felt conflicted about it. 

Was it better that Spider-Woman refused to talk about her at all, or that she told him how horrible of an aunt May was and this whole  _ casualness _ was just another mask, another lie?

So she became Ms. May. Not May Parker, not Aunt May, as she would once demand to be called. Not even Mrs. Parker. She didn't deserve any of those names, just May. She didn't tell him she worked at FEAST Center either, just gave him the address, told him to talk to the people there. 

And slowly, their meetings turned into a routine. She'd come to the park every few days, when the feeling at the pit of her stomach would become unbearable, she'd sit in this same bench and take a picture using Ben's camera, drowning in her own memories as she used the sight of the Avengers tower as a lifeline. 

And whenever the kid was on patrol, whenever he noticed her there, moping, he'd drop by. Chat a little, make himself the butt of all jokes just so her spirits would be lifted an inch, and leave. And it hurt so much, the fact that it was him there, and not his mentor, but it didn't hurt as much as the thought that she didn't deserve to have  _ her _ dropping by instead, with smiles and jokes to brighten her day. She had lost that privilege years ago. Had thrown it away, carelessly, destroyed her entire relationship in a fit of panic. 

"I'll see you around, Ms. May." He said, at the end of the day, when the sky darkened and only a sliver of light remained in the horizon. May sighed, watching her breath come out in a puff of smoke.

She was in space, May thought to herself. Penny always wanted to go to space. 


	2. Tea Dates and A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May takes a step forward.

Sundays were Tea Dates with Nat. 

May practically lived at the FEAST Center nowadays. Had temporarily rented out her apartment half a decade ago and never bothered to return afterwards, so she'd close the curtains of her office to give a little privacy and borrowed one of the chess sets from Eileen that she really wasn't much of a fan but knew Nat loved playing it anyway. 

Nat, she sighed with a touch of longing, that woman was a godsend. May met her during one of the worst periods in her life, after Penny had left, and Nat showed up like she always did, suddenly, randomly and full of bruises. She just needed a place to stay for a few days, she said, but Nat allowed May to take care of her because she knew it was something May was in desperate need of. To help, to fuss over someone rather than wallow in her own grief. 

And it was such a surprise, May thought with a touch of embarrassment, to find herself in love. It definitely wasn't something she was expecting to find again, especially after- And May had always been aware she was rather… open minded amongst her peers, even compared to Ben, but she never thought she'd fall for a woman. 

"Hey," Nat murmured as she entered the office, eyes scanning the glass walls and the shelves. May smiled, offering her tea to hide the sudden flip of her stomach, the dark clouds receding from her mind with a single word. 

Nat was… Nat. May didn't know how to describe it, how to put into words. She was as unreliable as she was reliable. Vanishing for days on end before showing up randomly with a new tea blend or a box of chocolates, doing god knows what that left dark bruises in her stomach and bullet grazes on her arms. And even then, she never missed a Tea Date. May knew she spent more time abroad than in the country, but May knew Nat would always be there within a day if she called, for whatever reason, no matter how silly it was. 

"Hey, Nat." She whispered a moment after, voice full of affection. 

And somewhere, between Nat popping in and out of the Center and May trying to unload her own guilty conscience in her work, it happened.

"How's your niece?" Nat asked gently, May's throat clogged up for a second, but the warmth of her hand over hers gave her the strength to push on. 

"Doing good." She murmured. Nat knew about her relationship with Penny, and despite the fact May never betrayed her niece's identity, she suspected Nat knew about it too. "She left the country," She murmured. Left the world, to be precise, but she wouldn't reveal that, even if it was  _ Nat _ . "Business reasons, I imagine, but she'll enjoy it." Nat also knew May liked to keep tabs on Penny, desperately scraping by for any details of her life, even when May didn't deserve to be a part of it anymore. " How's work?" She asked, looking pointedly at Nat's now blonde hair. 

"A little dry at the moment, unfortunately. I'm hoping I'll get some contracts at the end of the month, but I'm not hurting for cash, at least." May hummed, thoughtfully. There was something she had been meaning to talk to with Nat, to ask her, but May's nerves flared up at the thought of the topic, an uncertain uneasiness permeating her body. Nat narrowed her eyes, picking up on the sudden change of mood. 

"May, what's wrong?" She asked, interlacing their fingers. May sighed, staring at the bottom of her cup. 

"I- I just, I've been thinking," Nat gazed at her, patient. "Did you know I'm turning 53 next week?" She asked, going on a tangent. Nat nodded, an eyebrow raised. 

"I was hoping to keep it a surprise a little longer, but I already have something planned. Why?" May sighed, amused despite the nerves and sighed, shaking her head. 

"That's not-" She closed her eyes, took the time to formulate her thoughts. "You're almost 40 too." She whispered, "I noticed you've been coming home with more and more bruises lately." She dry swallowed. Nat was frowning, she always did when May talked about her job, her bruises. 

"I'm not- I'm not complaining, about that, I mean, we've already talked about it. But Nat, I'm 53, I'm living in the spare couch of my office and taking you to dates at my work slash home. I want… I want more than this. You deserve more than this."

"May, what are you talking about?" Nat asked seriously, staring at her eyes. There was a glint of fear behind that steel facade, and May knew Nat must've assumed the worst, must've allowed her thoughts to travel a darker road than May intended. May held her hand tight, smiling through wet eyes. 

"It's not bad," She rushed to say, "At least, I don't think so, but… I've been  _ moping around _ for… for years." She said. "You know this, you've- you pretty much stayed at my side through most of it, and you taught me to focus on the present, to live my life day to day and push myself just a little bit further. But Nat, I… I want to think of the future too. Of  _ our _ future." Nat's eyes slowly filled with tears, something May had rarely seen happen, and her smile grew as she started to understand what May was talking about. May pursed her lips, worrying about how it sounded. 

"I'm not- I'm not asking you to marry me, not yet. I- I'm not ready." She admitted, relaxing at Nat's slow, gentle nod. "But- But I'm  _ trying _ to ask you to move in with me." 

"To where?" Nat asked, throat dry, and May let out a wet laugh, shrugging. 

"I don't know. We can search for a house. Find a nice place." Nat nodded, but her brows furrowed in a way May knew she was feeling self conscious, worried.,

"May, I'm not- I'm not the type to settle down." She admitted. "I- My job, I can't-"

"I know." May cut her off. Nat would never give up her job, and May knew exactly where an ultimatum would lead them, she learned that lesson years ago with Penny. And as much as Nat tried to keep details of her  _ job _ quiet, tried to play it off as bounty hunting or in more desperate discussions mercenary work, May knew Nat was exactly like her Niece, knew she'd make the exact same sacrifice if it meant keep being a hero.

"I don't mind." She said. May had a long time to deal with the worry, with the waiting at home. "But wouldn't you like to have a better home to come back to, at the end of the day?" She begged. Before raising her hands. "Better than here?" Nat nodded, but smirked through the tears. 

"I like it here." She murmured. May rolled her eyes, amused. "But I'd like that, May. I- I'd really like that." She said, avoiding her eyes. May smiled, overjoyed. 

"I love you." She said simply, and for the first time since they've met, May watched Nat become too choked up in emotions to reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine this is an unusual pairing, but I couldn't resist. You'll learn more about Nat later on, but I hope this came of as sweeter than last chapter.


	3. A Winter Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As winter approaches, May makes one last trip to the bench overlooking the Avengers Tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

"Hey, Ms. May" Spider-Man murmured bashfully as he approached, walking normally for a change. May sighed, taking a photo of the Avengers Tower peeking out from the sea of branches. 

It was almost winter now. And although she normally wouldn't make this trip during these colder months, Nat's present of a heated jacked gave her the chance to make one last trip before summer. 

"Hello, Spider-Boy." She murmured, putting the camera back in her bag once the picture was developed. "How's- How's your mentor doing?" She asked, quietly. 

"Uhm. She's a little bit sad, she always is at this time of the year." May smiled at that, humorless. She knew exactly why Penny was so upset. "Hey, can I, uh, can I talk to you?" May frowned, a shot of adrenaline suddenly hitting her heart. Had he figured it out?

"It's just… I need your help, I- I think."

May smiled, gently, and patted the cold bench. She frowned, slightly amused to note Spider-Man wore fluffy Christmas scarf, socks, and gloves over his usual black and red uniform. Hesitantly, he sat down at her side, watching the city skyline from in between the naked trees. Spider-Man sighed, head dropping.

He pulled off his mask, after a few minutes of silence, revealing a short buzz cut and the face of a rather young kid. May tried to not let her surprise show. 

"My name is Miles." He said, as if he couldn't see May's wide eyes, hear her beating heart. "Miles Morales," Miles said, before lapsing into silence. 

"It's my mom." He admitted after a long moment "I've- I've been a hero for almost a year now, and she still doesn't know." Oh, May closed her eyes, regretting her decision of coming to this park today, of course it would be about this. Of course he'd come to her of all people to talk about secret identities. She closed her eyes, cleaning the suddenly wet cheeks, and allowed herself to finally believe in the old "Parker's Luck" Ben always talked about. 

"And I don't know what to tell her. Or, well, or even if I should." He shrugged, lethargic. No, she thought. She didn't regret being here, now. She regretted other decisions, the ones she made in a frantic panic, the ones she made when her heart raced with fear. May nodded as if she understood his side of the argument and bit her lip. She was determined to get it right this time, to do the right thing even if having her mistake being rubbed in her face hurt more than Ben's death ever did. She failed once, and this wouldn't make it up to her, but May knew she couldn't fail twice, she couldn't- She had to get it right. 

She dry-swallowed, the feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach suddenly ten times heavier. 

"Did you talk about this with your... mentor?" She asked, voice thick. Spider-Man nodded. 

"Yeah. She, uh, made herself scarce. Told me I could,  _ if I wanted to, _ but I get the feeling she doesn't really want me to tell. A- And I get it. I mean, P- Spider-Woman's family didn't uh, take it well. As in, they kicked her out and disowned her when she was just a kid," Tears flowed down her cheeks, and May was so glad Miles wasn't looking at her, because she couldn't find it in herself to stop, to repress all that guilt she carried around like her personal ball and chain and stuff it down like she always did.

It was a mistake, she yelled to herself, I'm sorry, I wish I had never said it. She didn't dare say it aloud. 

"But I can't keep lying to her, I mean, she's my mom, you know?" He shrugged, sounding absolutely lost, and all May managed to do was to swallow her own sob. "But… What if she doesn't take it well? What if…?" Miles' voice cracked and he stopped and May allowed herself to feel that old grief, before she put on the gentle smile she mastered for the sake of appearances and slowly, hesitantly, put a hand on his shoulder, on the sleek material that shone like red metal. 

"Thank you," She said quietly. "For trusting me."  _ I don't deserve it _ . They watched the night sky in silence before May found the strength to continue. 

"I- I know what it's like, to worry about a child." She murmured, quietly. "My niece." She explained. Miles knew she had a niece, he knew that she supposedly traveled the world, but May had never dared to tell him the full truth before. Not even a half-lie, too scared he'd connect the dots, that he'd call Penny and- She wasn't even sure what she was so afraid of anymore. She had already lost Penny a long time ago, she couldn't think of something worse. "I mentioned her to you, I think." Miles nodded. 

"You said she liked to help people, and travel the world." May nodded, throat thick. 

"But I never told you that she wanted to be a… a hero too." She admitted, feeling petrified. For a second, she had the thought of obfuscating the truth, maybe tell him she was a police officer or something, but May couldn't find it in herself to lie to Miles. The boy who, slowly, patched the hole in her heart. Didn't fill it, nobody could, but still, he became someone she cared about, in her own way. 

"She was like a daughter to me." She said. "She  _ was _ my daughter. Maybe not by blood, but I raised her after my sister died, I- she was everything to me." She admitted, quietly. Miles gulped, before frowning at her. 

"What happened?" May sighed, shrugging. 

"My husband died. Mugging gone wrong," She explained, so used to that same old question that she delivered it in a stoic, bland tone. Miles frowned at her, not in pity, but as if he understood, just a little bit, how it was like to lose someone. 

"I'm sorry." He said quietly. May nodded. 

"It was a long time ago. But the fear remained. He died so- Suddenly, so unexpectedly that I started worrying that my niece would just- drop dead one day too. That she'd leave me alone." She laughed at the irony. "I was drowning in guilt, and I just- Couldn't get it right anymore. I gave my niece too much space, I let her believe his death was her fault, and when she couldn't handle it anymore, when she started going out at night, I closed up, tried to lock her up in my home as if I could protect her from the world."

Miles frowned, not knowing why the sudden turn was giving him the chills, the slow sense of dread as if he already had a solution to a problem he didn't want to figure out. The story was just so… familiar. 

"I shouldn't have been surprised that she started sneaking out behind my back. I didn't give her any other choice." May told him, a realization she had come to years ago. It had been her fault.  _ All of it. _ This was on her. 

'What happened?" Miles prompted, gently. May sighed.

"I freaked out." She said, simply. "It- It was a double shift, in the hospital I worked at. I hadn't seen her in over a day and she wasn't at home when I got back." She stared at the Avengers Tower as if she knew Penny was there, looking at her from the window, judging her. Her mouth moved, her voice slowly spilling out her deepest secret, the black thing she nurtured in the pit of the stomach for almost a decade finally released, but she wasn't… aware of it. Her eyes glazed over and she felt herself falling, felt the cold biting in her hand as she walked through the snowy streets 9 years ago. 

It was two in the morning, May trekked through the snow of one of the coldest days in years only in her scrubs and a cardigan she threw on as she rushed through the streets. She didn't even know what she was thinking of, exactly, only that her child,  _ her only child _ , was somewhere out there, in the cold, in the dark,  _ in danger. _ May didn't care what Penny was doing at this time. She'd be glad if she found her with Ned or Harry, or hell in a party somewhere smoking MJ, as long as she wasn't out here, in the streets where she could be assaulted or shot or- or- or  _ worse _ and May- May couldn't risk it. She couldn't, so she ran into the cold night, calling Penny, who didn't pick up. Calling Mrs. Leeds and Mr. Osborn to double-check as her fingers grew numb, yelling Penny's name every block in what she knew was a useless attempt to find her as she walked, steps slowing down with time. 

She was shivering, blocks away from home, and desperately covering herself with the thin cardigan when Penny called back. 

_ "Uhm, Hey, Aunt May."  _ The girl told her, sheepishly, as if May had accidentally embarrassed  _ her _ , caught her at an inopportune moment. And May, overworked, stressed, and worrying, snapped. 

"Penelope Parker, where the hell have you've been?" She yelled, voice thick with panic, and she shuffled toward a side alley she hoped would give her a little bit more protection against the wind. On the phone, Penny stuttered out excuses before she cut herself off with a sigh. 

_ "Aunt May, I can explain." _ She said in a serious voice. May exchanged hands with teary eyes, feeling the cold not only bite but  _ burn _ . 

"I don't want you to explain!" She yelled, sobbing. "I just got back from a double shift, I've been walking all over Hell's Kitchen looking for you, and I-" Her back hit the wall and she slid down, crying. It was worse, sitting in the snow, but she couldn't get up anymore so she just curled within herself instead 

"I just want you  _ safe _ , Penny. Home. That's the only thing I want, s- so please,  _ please  _ just come home." She begged. Penny murmured something on the phone, but she didn't pay attention. Her head snapped up at the sound of snow crunching and her heart froze. 

"Well, it must be my lucky day." The man sneered, pulling out a gun from his waist. May found herself petrified at the sight of the dark metal. Flashes of blood and of Ben’s-

"C'mon. Up,  _ slowly _ " He ordered. May's eyes tracked the gun's wild swing with terror, the only thing passing through her mind was that the gun was the same model as the one that killed B-  _ him _ .

_ "Aunt May?"  _ She heard quietly from the phone in her hands, and, somehow, it gave her strength to slowly rise to her feet. She would not make Penny an orphan again.

"P-P-Please." She begged. "I-I have mo-money. I c-c-can give you-"

" _ P-P-Please! _ " The man mimicked mockingly. "Shut up, bitch." 

_"Aunt May!"_ She heard, loud and clear from the cellphone. It was two minutes, stretched out into eternity as she followed the man's every command, as she dropped the cellphone on the snow, as she let him approach and let go of the cardigan she held closed over her shivering chest, her eyes never leaving the black thing in his hands, _the_ _g-gun_.

And then, suddenly. 

"Get away from her!" Penny yelled from above, the man, whose breath tickled her neck, suddenly went flying into a wall, sticking to it like a fly in a web. May breathed, slowly coming back to the feeling of a tight,  _ desperate _ hug. 

"I'm so sorry, Aunt May. I'm sorry, I'm so-" Penny murmured over and over again, stuck to her waist. May stuttered, just now realizing it was Penny here, somehow, her niece who saved her, who was hugging her with a grip of iron. 

"H- Home." She managed to whisper, putting a hand on the girl's shoulder. She didn’t pay attention to the man webbed up high in the wall, didn’t care for her old yoga sweatshirt Penny was wearing or the red scarf with orange swimming goggles. She didn't even know if she still had the strength to make the journey back. She felt… numb, in body and spirit. 

Penny grabbed her, then, holding her tight as she jumped three floors up into a wall and suddenly started  _ swinging. _

"We're going home, Aunt May. I promise we're almost there." She didn’t lie, it didn't take long for them to arrive. Penny put May back on her feet, pushing her toward the sofa before locking the door and grabbing some pre-made teacup. 

"Penny." May gasped out a minute later, coming back around to the feeling of the hot tea in her hands. "What..?" She couldn't even finish the phrase, eyes glued to the poorly drawn sharpie figure of a spider on her hoodie. 

"Uhm, I-I'm Spider-Girl," Penny admitted to her. May could see the tear tracks in her niece's cheeks, the way the girl curled within herself as if she was just waiting for May’s reaction, the way she trembled slightly, but all she could think of was the gun.  _ The gun gun gun.  _ The one pointed at her, the one her niece jumped in front of, the one that could take away the last thing she cared about in her life in the matter of a second. 

"It's- I- I got my powers at Oscorp." Penny was telling her, blurting out every little thing as if spilling secrets somehow would make her feel better, feel  _ safe. _ "R-Remember, when I got sick? I woke up and I could stick to walls. A-A-And I saw the bills, the ones you couldn't pay, and I wanted to help. I joined a fight club, but th-they realized I was enhanced and I was… I was so pissed off, so arrogant and I let the guy steal from them. I helped him run away because I let the fame get to my head and I didn’t care. I didn’t care until- Until he found Uncle Ben. And He killed him, and it's m-my fault because with great powers-" Penny's words got stuck in her throat.

"I'm sorry," Penny begged.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" She demanded, managing to sound calm and collected when she was anything but.

"I'm sorry," Penny repeated but didn't move. 

"Penelope, you- you could’ve died!!" She told her, tone bordering on panic again. Her mind was still fixated on the gun, on the sound of a gunshot, but something in the back of her head reminded her of a Bugle’s article three months ago, when Spider-Woman fought against a man made of water. Hadn’t they said she had been hurt? Drowned? “You almost did,” She accused her, “And how was I gonna figure that out? Watching as they plaster your face on the news afterward?” May said, watching as Penny flinched. 

The hoodie had to go, it was putting Penny in danger and she had to keep her safe, so she'd throw the hoodie away and it was over. May’s hand trembled with adrenaline.

“Take off that hoodie.” She ordered, quietly. 

"No." Penny refused tensely, narrowing her eyes at May. 

"Penelope, it's over." She tried, hiding the panic in her voice. "You take that hoodie off. You go to your room, and I will ground you for the rest of your life, and-And you'll stop going out. N-No more of this spider stuff.'

"You can ground me if you want.” Penny dared, steely eyes glaring at her through the tears. “Take my computer, I won’t go to the school clubs and, and won’t talk to my friends if that’s what you think it’s best. But I have powers, Aunt May, and I can’t give that up.  _ I won’t. _ ”

“Penny…” May didn’t know whether to yell or to sigh. Her emotions all over the place, her nerves still fired up. “You’re 14. You’re not responsible for the fate of the world.” She said, trying to be rational. Penny disagreed, shaking her head and speaking softly.

“I have  _ powers _ , May. And- And if I stay on the sidelines, if I let people suffer because I’m not in the mood to help or because I just don’t care, then what happens to them is my fault.” A sigh, Penny stared deep into her eyes as she muttered the words that broke her. “Power. And Responsibility, May.  _ That’s what Uncle Ben used to say.” _

“Ben is dead." May shot back at her, a small part of her that felt so betrayed and- and vulnerable and exposed taking some sort of sick satisfaction in throwing her own emotions at Penny. “And I won’t let you throw your life away like he did.” Penny shot her a look of utter betrayal, and although May regretted the words the moment they slid past her lips, she couldn’t take them back.

"I can't stop." Penny said, resolute. Her greatest regret came from this day. She wished she hadn't said those words, she wished she could have taken it back.  _ "Fine. Go to bed, we'll talk about this in the morning"  _ She should’ve said, instead. But no, she couldn’t-

“-watch you die." The words escaped her mouth, spilling out all the fears churning inside her. “Either you take off that hoodie, or…” Her niece, as stubborn as she could be, had always been smart. Even if it took her a while to find her way, she had always made the right decision in the end. So May gave her an ultimatum, an unfair choice because she knew Penny would never pick the absurd option. 

“Or?!” Penny dared her, pursing her lips in anger. 

“Or you get the hell out of my house.” Truth is, May didn’t think she was wrong in worrying for her niece, but even before, at the height of their discussion, May had realized that somewhere along the way she had lost the argument, crossed an line she didn’t realize existed, fell too deep without realizing the safety net, the trust she and Penny had built over the years, was too ripped apart to catch her.

May gave her an impossible option, but she didn’t really believe there was a choice to make. She loved Penny, and she was doing the first thing that came to her mind to protect her, and she knew Penny loved her too. She knew Penny wouldn’t willingly give that up. She was angry, she had thought at the time, but she was right, and if she went too far they could find a compromise later,  _ after _ she was sure Penny wouldn’t vanish again because May didn’t know if she could handle Peny vanishing from her life again, not like Ben did.

"...What?" The tiny voice broke her heart, and May almost took it back, but she had to be firm, she had to protect Penny. 

"I can't stand here watching the two of you die, I refuse! E-Either give up the hoodie, or you get out of my house" She repeated. May gave Penny an impossible choice. The thing is, she never had the chance to realize how important the costume was to the girl, and how much she was willing to sacrifice to honor Ben’s words.

Penny looked at her shocked,  _ heartbroken _ , and her gaze burned itself in May's memories, stuck there in a way she never forgot, and every time she tried to remember what happened, what pushed her to say these words, all that came to mind was Penny's broken gaze. 

And May watched as the cog spun, as the gears in her girl's head turned and made a decision, and she watched Penny spin on her heels and go to her room, and she thought it was over, then. Penny would take off the hoodie and give it back. They'd sit down on the sofa and watch a movie to unwind or just lay down and rest. So May dropped down on the sofa, allowed her eyes to close in exhaustion, to breathe in a little something and slow down the sound of her heart, and even then, laying down on the sofa, she had already regretted the words said. She wasn't willing to admit it yet, but a part of her mind was already willing to give back Penny's hoodie, to settle on a compromise, to figure out another way. She fell asleep, then, trusting that they could talk about it tomorrow. 

But Penny made her choice, and the next day, when May pushed her door open with her heart stuck on her throat, the room was empty too. 

"I didn't want that to happen," May said. "I never wanted her to leave, or to even feel like she had to. But- But I was so- So angry, so tired, so confused that…" She shrugged helplessly "That it slipped out. I was losing control, I could feel her slipping away and instead of fixing it, I just cut her out entirely. That-" She pointed out, the words driving that same old knife into her heart all over again. “That was the last time I spoke to her.” She finished falling into silence again. 

"I know it's my fault," She said with certainty, a few minutes later when she recomposed herself enough to be able to breathe again unable to tear her gaze from Avengers’ Tower. "But I was angry, tired, panicked… I shouldn't ever have said those words to her, I  _ know  _ that, but sometimes… Sometimes I wonder if I would've reacted the same way if she had come to me first. If she had told me this when I was less… hysterical." She whispered in a broken voice. Miles watched her with wide eyes, puzzle pieces snapping together to form an impossible realization. 

"...Why didn't you tell her that? Later, I mean." May let out a laugh, feeling anything but amused. 

"If you had asked me this a few years ago, I'd have told you that I couldn't. I didn't know how to find her. She had nowhere else to go, she probably had to sleep on the streets or-" She sighed, noticing she was deviating. "I tried,  _ a little bit _ . I funded the FEAST Center that month, hoping that somehow I'd find her there, but I know it wasn't… enough. I knew where she worked, her friends lived in a building with their initials on the side, for god's sake. But the truth is… I never went after her." May shrugged hollowly. "I tried,  _ so many times _ , but I always- Froze. Just froze. I  _ failed  _ her. I was her  _ mother _ and I that- That just showed how much I didn’t deserve that title. And I didn't know if she would pick up, if- if she would even bother to hear me, and somehow  _ knowing _ that she didn't want to see me ever again, that I was truly… Unworthy of forgiveness, seemed worse than letting the nightmares plague me every night."

"You should've-", Miles started, but snapped his mouth shut, realizing how that sounded. The remark only made the guilt worse, but May nodded. 

"I should've." She agreed. "But I'm an old woman. I- I lost everything I had left that night, and I was too afraid that facing her would… make it real. The fact that I lost her, I mean. That I hurt her and-" May sighed, pulling her phone out of her pocket. "And it was easier. As horrible as it sounds, it was easier to convince myself that I tried, that she knew how to reach me and, for whatever reason, the responsibility to reach out fell on her shoulders.” May scoffed, shaking her head in self-disgust. “As if she didn’t have enough of that already.” Miles was right there, at her side, she noticed again, as she always did during their conversations. All it would take… All it would take was one question, one request to see his mentor. But she couldn't, she never did. May shook off her thoughts, looking back at the boy. 

Miles was watching her in shock, unable to snap out of the realization that she was May  _ Parker. _ And May sighed again, thinking back on how they even got on the topic. 

"So," She said hollowly. "My advice to you, Miles, is tell her. Show her your costume, your powers, tell her everything you did, the name of every person you saved, and don't let her figure it out by herself, don't let her jump to conclusions." May bit her lip, lost in her own memories. " _ You are Spider-Man _ , Miles, and if your mother can't accept you as you are… Well, then she's just as much of a fool as I was."

May sighed one last time, watching the white mist slip past her lips and rose to her feet hesitantly. 

"Good night, Spider-Man." She said simply, before walking away into the dark road. 


	4. Red Room and a Trust Exercise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May had always been open with her about her life. She told her about her sister, about Ben, and even if the details were too painful to be told, May trusted Nat enough to talk to her about Penny, her niece. Natasha, on the other hand, was stuck in that same old cycle of trust issues, pushing May away so she wouldn't learn about her past. But Nat knows that if she wants this relationship to keep working, evasions and half-truths won't be enough. 
> 
> It's past time May learned the truth about her girlfriend's past.

"May…" Nat said hesitantly from the entrance, knocking lightly on her office's door to catch her attention. She was still wearing last night's clothes, the black motorcycle jacket over a white undershirt, black jeans, and her normal boot with steel toe and red accents. "There's something I was hoping to talk to you about." She said, eyes fixed at a spot slightly beyond her own two feet.  May smiled gently, even as her heart swelled in worry. 

It was only a few days after she met with Miles in the park. It was still the beginning of December, but Christmas preparations at FEAST were in full swing already, so May could watch the gentle snowfall through her window that now shone with different colored LED lights. Despite Penny's absence, she couldn't stop herself from immersing in the merry mood of the friends around her, even if she couldn't find it in herself to participate.

"Of course, Nat." She said, closing the file she had been working on and offering Nat a seat. "I'm always here for you." It was a little bit cliche, May thought, but just the thought that she had someone to say these things again made a silly smile appear on her face again. Nat sighed, sitting down with unease. "What's wrong?"

"I love you." She said, staring deep into her eyes and May felt her heart melt all over again. "And, uhm," It was so rare to see Nat this unbalanced,  _ awkward.  _ May frowned, watching her carefully, she's usually in so much control of her emotions that May's only clue as to how she's feeling when Nat's not in the mood to share is her eyes. "And I was thinking about what you said, of our future together, and I want that. I know I said it before, but I really want that. But there's.. something you need to know first. About me."

"You're Black Widow." She interrupted with a small smile, slightly disappointed when Nat didn't seem surprised. It didn't take much to figure out, the way Nat was always bruising, the sudden way she'd vanish with a weak excuse, it was... It was so _Penny_ that May didn't even think of other alternatives. It was a shock, May thought, to find out your girlfriend is a superhero, but once she looked past the worry, the doubts, it was...easy, to put that aside and focus on helping her, on offering comfort after a rough day of the Avengers getting beaten up live on TV. Maybe, she realized, it was just that May had a lot of time to think about it after Penny left. 

"Yes," Nat confirmed, and May's thoughts drifted a little as she realized Nat knew she knew that Nat was Black Widow. "But it's… more than that, too. I- how much do you know about me?" She asked, putting her hands on her knees and sitting tensely with her back straight. May shrugged, gently. 

"You're a hero, an Avenger. I- I' afraid I don't know much beyond that. I didn't pay much attention to Superheroes before we met,” Before Penny, “...and after I figured out who you were, well, I didn't want to invade your privacy." May explained, sheepishly. She didn’t know at the time if looking up her celebrity crush on the Google was some kind of faux-pas or not, so she tried to avoid it. Nat chuckled lightly, shaking her head in amusement. 

"Thank you, May. You're a sweetheart." She said. "I'm Black Widow." She reaffirmed. "I'm an Avenger, but before that, I was a spy." She sighed at the last phrase. May paused, noticing the way Nat frowned, eyes fixed on the pen at her desk with intensity. 

"I was born in Russia," She explained. "and I don't know how I got there, but one of my first memories is of what we called the Red Room. It was, horrible, now that I look back on it but to me it was just… home." May shifted in her seat, settling into a comfortable position so she could give Nat her full attention. 

"We were taught ballet, martial arts, and how to snap the neck of our  _ targets.  _ We were taught how to cook, and how to slip poison in the cups of our guests, and every night, they'd chain us to the bed so we couldn't escape." May felt horrified for Nat. For the innocent girl she must've been once. May knew that Nat had a complicated past, it's why she stopped pushing about the bruises and the sudden trips Nat would take, the way she still slept on her back, arms over her head every once in a while, but she never thought it had been… this. 

"It was a training facility for child soldiers. And I passed with flying colors." Nat commented. "My entire life had been about lying, about finding out weakness and squirreling away secrets so I could get an advantage on my enemies. I lied, I stole, I murdered, and I did it so often that I started losing myself, a little. I didn't know who I was, or what limits I wasn't willing to cross." May nodded, trying to control her emotions as so to not startle her girlfriend.

"When I joined the Avengers, things became better a little. But it didn't change the fact that at my core, I was still a spy. I was still that same girl in that room that would do anything that sounded like an order. So I kept lying, omitting the truth, and creating rifts in the team when it suited me because I was what I knew... And Clint, Steve, they tried to help me. But it wasn't until after I met you that I started to change. That I really chose to be better, picked my limits, figured out what kind of person I was." Nat said calmly, a fond smile on her face. May's heart melted all over again.

"You had no idea who I was, and you still gave me a place to stay. You trusted me with so many personal things about you and the more I learned, the more I discovered about your weaknesses and fears, the more guilty I felt, for the things I did. You're taught me kindness, love, and, well, I suspected you had figured out, but I didn't think it would be fair to you if we took another step without this conversation. Without me… reciprocating, all this trust you gave me. I'm don't like feeling vulnerable or talking about my past in general, but I trust you. _I always have._ " May looked deep into her eyes, unable to stop the tearful smile from popping up on her face. 

“Thank you, Natalie.” She murmured, unable to tell her how much being trusted with this meant to her. Nat smiled, embarrassed, and corrected her. 

“It’s Natasha, actually.” She said. “I haven’t gone by that name in a while, though.” May frowned, thinking back to everything she noticed before, every little question suddenly burning in the back of her tongue, ready to jump out, and hesitated. 

“Is it alright if…” She tried to ask, awkward as a teenager, but Nat must’ve understood it somehow. 

“Please, do,” She insisted, amused. “I want you to know me.”

“Well,” May paused in thought, not knowing which question to ask first. “How many countries have you’ve gone to?” She asked, deciding to start with light questions. Natasha chuckled.

“Hm, let’s see.” She murmured, looking up as she calculated. "I don’t think I can give you an exact number, sometimes I didn’t even know where the mission was happening, but I visited most of Europe, all of the Americas, and quite a few countries in Africa when SHIELD sent me to find Wakanda. I’d say more than sixty, less than a hundred, I imagine?” She shrugged, giving up on the numbers. May nodded, amazed. 

“Incredible,” She murmured, “What was your favorite?” May asked wistfully. Nat shrugged, before looking back at her with a foxy grin. 

“Well, my favorite place in the world…”  She teased, before softening the grin, mirth in her eyes. “...Is when I’m with you.” May tried to roll her eyes, but she couldn’t stop the blush, nor the fond smile that adorned her face. 

“Cute,” She said, unwilling to let Nat distract her. “But you didn’t answer the question.” Nat sighed, letting the mood turn slightly more somber, and crossed her arms thoughtfully. 

“There was a mission, a few decades ago,” She started quietly. “It wasn’t exactly my favorite place. I don’t...really care much about places, but it’s definitely one of my best memories. This was before the Avengers. Before SHIELD even. I was 18, I think, on a big mission to a private contractor. I had met Clint already by then, Hawkeye,” She clarified, “we kept bumping into each other every once in a while, always on opposite sides. Long story short, he captured me that time, threw me in the helicopter, and was in the middle of hauling me back to the closest SHIELD Interrogation unit when I escaped and crashed the ship in the middle of the Amazon. The radio was busted, and we couldn’t exactly ask for help from the locals, neither of us would know if the guy was SHIELD, Hydra, or a third party. So instead we agreed to a truce, hide out in the forest and whoever found us first got to keep the prisoner. And I remember just… sitting there, by the bonfire one night, while me and Clint just- Talked. He asked me why was I doing this, y’know, talked about how we were the bad guys but he didn’t- He wasn’t trying to manipulate me, he wasn’t using carefully worded sentences to make me doubt my loyalties. He was honestly just telling me his own opinion, and he actually heard me out when I tried my own pitch. That, I’m pretty sure that was my first honest conversation in my life. No lies, no half-truths. I‘ve been to a lot of places in the world, even the more famous ones like Rome’s Coliseum or the Eiffel Tower, but I don’t think any of them touched me quite as that night did.”

“That sounds beautiful,” May said. “Who found you first?” She asked, curious. Nat chuckled. 

“SHIELD did. The agents didn’t believe me when The Black Widow surrendered without a fuss. They kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Took me three days to escape their prison afterward.”

“Oh… You didn’t change sides then?” May asked, puzzled, but Nat just shook her head. 

“No, I flipped a year after, when I met Clint again in Budapest. 

“What happened in Budapest?”May asked, pushing away the papers she was in the middle of signing to the side. Natasha laughed lightly, shaking her head in amusement. 

“Now that’s a long story.” She warned. “But I don’t mind telling you. Budapest happened around 22 years ago, and while I was already thinking about it, it was there that Clint really showed me there was more to the world than the Red Room than Hydra..." May smiled, closing her eyes slightly as she paid attention to the story. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a little sweetness to go along with last chapter's bitter revelation. I have around 2 more chapters planned out in my head to tie up loose ends and we're done, I think.


End file.
